Why hath thou forsaken me?

I've never been the kind of girl to just get a cold. Or the flu. Or, like, a sprained ankle. It can never be something that easy. Nope, when I get sick or injured, there's always some sort of mysterious diagnosis or ailment that doesn't happen to common people and causes doctors to look at you with actual empathy, not just the fake, hurried kind.

Last Saturday, I woke up itchy. I thought I just hadn't used enough lotion or something as I proceeded to scratch incessantly at my head and shoulders through an all-day class and going out later that night. But the next morning, the itchiness had transformed into a rash all over my shoulders and my face and lips had swollen into some weird disfigurement. I called my mom, who's a nurse. "Start taking Benadryl," she said. "Immediately."

I did, but the next day, the rash had spread even more and the puffiness in my face was worse. It was hard to move my lips. Steve and I headed to the E.R. where they hooked me up to a steroid IV and two med students trailing the E.R. doctor shot me looks of extreme sympathy. "Wow," said one. "I would be so itchy if I were you." Yeah, thanks.

The steroids seemed to help for about half a day, enough time for me to fly to San Diego on a trip I had already planned. By the way, let's all remember I'm supposed to start my new job in only six days from now. Six months of working from home and this happens now. Of course.

By Wednesday, my short vacation had ended. The hives had returned with a vengeance and I now looked like a leper. I go to the ER again, ironically with my poor mom who works in an ER and was excited about her one day off from being there. Another steroid IV drip.

By this time, the doctors had narrowed down the culprit: an antibiotic I had taken several days before for something else. Apparently my body is not into this antibiotic. It's either that, or this new leave-in conditioner I started using. But most likely the drug.

My mom calls her acupuncturist, a frail old woman who works out of a tiny two bedroom cottage nearby. I've been there before for some other random, misdiagnosed pain and her house always smells like lavender and .... mysticism. She agrees to see me on short notice.

I can tell it's bad when her face transforms into a sort of surprised awe. This is a woman who looks like she's seen everything and rarely elaborates on anything she's feeling or thinking about your problems. She answers in short, succinct, but strangely comforting sentences.

I have this issue about New Agey-type therapies. On the one hand, I want to believe them, I really do. On the other hand, they're just so ridiculous. I mean, to get rid of my allergies to certain chemicals, the acupuncturist made me put my tongue in my right cheek, close my eyes and breath in and out as she tapped certain parts of my head. I mean, seriously? But strangely, my allergic reaction threw a super uncomfortable finale and then suddenly disappeared, leaving only a few blotches in its place. Could be the steroids of course.

So here I am, a week later and a day before I'm supposed to start my new job. I was able to postpone starting for a couple of days, luckily. The itchiness is gone, but in it's place is a serious feeling of being drugged, like not just tired, but sort of viewing what's going on from outside of my body. I'm hoping this is going to slowly go away as the amount of steroids I have to take each day decreases. In the mean time, you can find me on the couch.

Why can't I just catch a cold?